Was pulled over by an MMDA man this afternoon as I was on my way to Festival Mall. Turns out I forgot all about coding, and my number was up. Siyempre palusot pa ako, though I really wasn't aware that our car wasn't supposed to be on the streets today, "Ay sir, di po ba holiday, walang coding?" :D
Seriously, I was waiting for him to just issue me a ticket. I've been pulled over before, but this is the first time it happened with me in the driver's seat, and I was alone. So, honestly, I didn't know how it all should go. It has always been my belief, though, that if it was my fault, then I'd welcome that ticket. Even before, when it would be our driver negotiating with the MMDA, I never did like giving the police 'kotong', or namedropping to wiggle out of the situation. So yeah, bring it on Mr. MMDA Man, give me that ticket. But really, I was already worrying about how much red tape I'd have to go through to get my license back.
Thing is, Mr. MMDA Man goes, "Sige, tutal Pasko naman, pahingi nalang po ng pamasko." I guess I was by then in a state of panic mixed with hopelessness, so I gave in to Mr. MMDA Man's demand without even stopping to think or argue. I slipped him a hundred as I handed him the car's registration papers; he even had the gall to tell me, "Pakitago nalang po kasi bawal."
Out of frustration over my weak will, I started to cry the rest of my drive to Festival Mall. Besides the fact that it's hard to drive with tears in your eyes, it was also embarassing at the traffic stop with the people in the jeepney in front seeing you get all emo by yourself. I cried because I wasn't able to stand up for what I believed in. I cried because I hated myself for not telling Mr. MMDA Man that he should give me a ticket if he thinks I violated a traffic rule. My co-teacher Martin did exactly that before, why wasn't I able to do it? It makes me ashamed to admit that I took the easy way out, and I'm mad at myself for doing that.
This isn't the worst thing I've done in my life, but it sure makes me feel so low. It only confirms that I never really learned how to assert myself, how to fight for what's right.
Hopefully, I'll know better the next time around.
Hopefully, though, there won't be a next time around.